A resource for those who find themselves unexpectedly left alone.
Focusing on the Oak Run Community. A place where those who have lost their life partners can find information and empathy as they navigate the maze of must-dos, should-dos, don't-dos, and didn't-know-I-had-to-dos that follow a sudden loss.
Suddenly One is a support group for Oak Run residents who have lost a partner or are tending to one in terminal care. We meet on the second Friday of each month in the Card Room of the Orchid Club. Please check the newsletter or Channel 12 for updates.
Let's help each other.
Scroll down to learn why I created this site, then select from the menu above to learn more.
I'm glad you're here. As I continue to go through the grieving process of losing my husband, and I speak with others in the same situation, I realize that no matter how well you plan, when that horrible day comes and you lose someone, nothing prepares you for the feelings you're having. If the death was sudden, there are even more emotions to deal with. Whether it's from an on-going illness, recurring disease, accident, or COVID, losing the one you love and have built a life with is indescribable. In my journey, I'm realizing how many people, usually women, are in the same place. The first few days are overwhelming, and setting priorities seems impossible. Where do we start?
Let's start here: if you have come to this site because you have lost your loved one, please accept my condolences. There are no words I can say to ease that grief, but maybe you can find some answers here for the multitude of things you will need to do, and some comfort in knowing that someone is on the same path, either just ahead of you, or just behind you.
There are many organizations and websites that offer help with the grieving process and provide information, but the information is usually specific to that organization. This site is not meant to take the place of any of these. Instead, I'm trying to put information you might need in one place to make things a little easier. If you are currently tending to a partner or spouse in hospice or terminal care, this is information you will need soon. Maybe getting prepared now will help later.
My name is Shelley, and I live in Oak Run. My husband Roger and I moved here from Texas in March 2020, back when COVID was still called the Corona Virus, becoming a household name and shutting things down. We were still in the process of settling in, redecorating the house we bought, and learning our way around when my husband died suddenly. We'd been here four months. This was not the plan.
Adjusting to losing my husband would be hard at any time, in any place. But losing him in a new neighborhood and a new town which had its doors closed to the pandemic was very hard. Even though people reached out to me, most didn't know my husband had just passed and I wasn't up to the conversations it would take to enlighten them. I wasn't ready to answer the innocent questions I knew would be put to me by well-meaning neighbors. How could I casually confide to someone I was just meeting that I was no longer part of a pair, a couple, a matched set? My Yin used to have a Yang. My Salt used to have a Pepper. I felt like I'd been dropped into someone else's life. I was suddenly one.
In the first few months of my grief, I was glad to hear from people, but I just could not reach out and initiate a call. I felt I couldn't get through a conversation without breaking down, or breaking the wall I'd built, so I didn't go there.
What began to bring me out of this funk was discovering that a neighbor had just lost her husband. I wanted to reach out, but for a long while I couldn't. I was still immobilized. It wasn't until we happened to meet on the street and she said to me, "We're in the same boat, now" that I felt a kinship, being a member of a club I never wanted to join. As we've talked about our journeys, I came to feel that there are people out there who are struggling with the same things. Not just the emotions and the grief, but the questions of where to start, how to do it, and what am I forgetting?
I'm discovering that while everyone's grief is personal and there is no right or wrong way to do it, grief is also universal. Maybe this website can help others who are feeling lost or alone, or just want to know how to sell a car or find a plumber they can trust.
If you would like to share your journey with me, I'd love to hear from you. Please click here to send an email.